Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
