we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
