Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
