You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I just sharted jello shots
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
