i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
