Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
