just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
