never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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