Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
