I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
