Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
