I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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