If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
