I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
