you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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