Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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