Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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