Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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