Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
