Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
