there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
