A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
