So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
