roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
