TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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