guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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