BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
