does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
