i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
