mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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