I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
