That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
