he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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