note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
