everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
