Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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