Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
