in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
