Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
