I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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