I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
