using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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