So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
