is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
