Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
