PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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