I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
