Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Found the puke drawer
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
