We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
