If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
